Unspoken. . .
Unacknowledged resentments and fears are likely to be expressed regardless of the person’s unwillingness to speak them. If they don’t come out directly they will come out indirectly.
We often fail to comprehended the enormous toll our silent patterns take on our lives and peace of mind. It isn’t until things get so painful that we become concerned that our vicious cycles of coping (in many different ways), need addressing. We often demonize others and their actions, and in so doing, had absolved ourselves of any responsibility for our part in the problem.
It’s easy to underestimate the degree to which most of us resist accepting responsibility (which we mistakenly confuse with blame which we associate with punishment), as well as our willingness to go to great lengths to avoid being faulted for problems, sometimes, even if our efforts to prove others wrong ultimately brings about the demise of our moments and even our relationships.
We must see our defenses, understand them and work with them.
As we become more willing to replace our defensive patterns with honesty, vulnerability, understanding and trust, the perception of the need for protection diminishes and authentic connection begins to replace manipulative strategies for escape and/or control. This does not occur overnight but with practice, right intention, and effective support, we can be transformed into a loving, trusting, and mutually respecting relationships with ourselves and others. Yes, it does take work, and yes, it does take time, and yes, it is do-able, and so worth the effort!
Peace and Love, Jim