Open Doors. . .
There is something particularly seductive about the notion that we create our own reality. The problem lies in the distinction between objective reality—the facts—and what we believe to be true that might have no basis in fact at all.
For many of us, what we think of as “reality” or “the truth” is far less solid than we think. The explanations we make up to fill in what we don’t know make our realities highly subjective.
Objectivity relies on knowing the facts, but the facts we might actually know when stress hits are often quite limited, and the neurochemistry of the fight, flight or freeze response is extremely powerful. When you’re under its influence you’re far more likely to rush to judgment and do something impulsive, rather than to slow down and think things through so you can make choices that serve your best interests in the long run. This can make objectivity feel very illusive.
So, how do we locate the reliable ground we need to be objective when there are crucial facts we just can’t know in the moment? The short answer is: yes, but it can only be found if we wait for the facts to emerge instead of jumping to conclusions. If you wait for the facts to emerge, you not only avoid saying and doing things you later regret, you will give your reality a fighting chance at being on solid ground that will support you in making solid decisions that lead to constructive outcomes.
When you’re standing on the ground of objective reality, the only thing under your feet should be the facts you actually know, along with acknowledgement of what you don’t know. Making these distinctions can be a very tricky business because our brains abhor the uncertainty caused by not knowing and will not hesitate to fill in what we don’t know with speculation, projections and worst-case scenarios.
For this reason, it’s vital to overcome the brain’s resistance to uncertainty and embrace it with an open heart. I invite you to cultivate your willingness to be present with uncertainty and accept the presence of all you don’t know. From there you will have nothing but doors to open.
Peace and Love, Jim